Let's pull over to discuss distractions

Life has gotten in the way; c'est la vie, they say.With its melodramas and delayed karma, greater purpose and meaning can be easily dismayed. Finally typing this thought into my phone via Wordpress app, I unleash what's been building up inside me since late last night (now more than three days ago). Upon realization pieces of my life, and parts of my not-so-everyday life have distracted me from the commitments I made to myself.To write.I'm a doer. A to-do list making, weekend productivity fiend who relishes in accomplishing even the most mundane chores and tasks. Result driven is definitely one way to describe my motivations in all I do. Yet when it comes to my writing I let myself get in the way.This year is winding down, less than three months until we hit a new year, 2018. What have I shown for it? I started this blog and have failed at posting every day, or every other day even. Or even once a week it seems. I'm my own worst enemy. And my interests are too varied. I'm trying to do everything and nothing is getting done to completion or to my self-imposed standards. Why can't I just pick one thing and focus in on that one area of my life and see where it takes me?Probably fear. Fear of failure or of choosing the "wrong" passion. I have my personal reading challenge of 52 books for year and while I've read over 30 I'm behind in posting my mini reviews on Instagram and Goodreads and behind in reading when it comes to the formula of one book per week. I have dance rehearsal for an upcoming show, I have a neglected piece of choreography I've failed to work on for a month that I need to submit this week to be considered for the same show in November. I have 6 or 7 Peloton spin classes burning a hole in my account. I have a full time job that can be demanding; like all of our jobs. I'm burning the candle at both ends and I'm still restless and frankly a little unsatisfied. And I still can't decide which course of action to take.Indecisiveness has made me frozen. I'm a bird mid-flight captured in an incomplete painting.My sleep patterns are off, and I've been waking up in the middle of the night. Instead of writing or choreographing or even reading, I succumb to the siren song of our 21st century digital pursuits; binge-watching Netflix and feeling powerless against the endless social scroll. There are too many apps and people and platforms to keep up with and instead of retreating into my aforementioned simple pleasures and passions I find myself further numbing and dumbing down my mind with distraction.It's time to get focused. It's long overdue that I state my goals and dreams. Perhaps maybe I've lost sight of my dreams in the daily muck of balancing life and work and family and friends and home and health. Life can be overwhelming, huh?Dreams are quite personal. Society can make us feel they are quite impractical. In my heart I know I need a mission and a dream to pursue. Otherwise what is all this working and striving for in the end?I can't promise myself or here in this post that I will select just one passion. I know I'm incapable of choosing. What I'm willing and ready and desperate to do is follow my bliss. I will read when the mood strikes and I will refrain when I'm not in the right headspace for this engaged intellectual activity. I will work on my choreography driven by fun and music and the message I am trying to convey. I will write deeply and meaningfully when the muse strikes and I will be diligent about holding myself accountable to this blog.After all this is just for me. I'm not being graded or judged here. This is my own place, albeit a public digital space, where I can meander through my thoughts and work out my wants and figure out the right way for me at any given time.Moment to moment my choices may fluctuate like a hungry child confronted with dozens of ice cream flavor options. I will go with the flow and I will listen to myself and be kinder and gentler to my dreams. More importantly, I will be more understanding to my journey. You simply have to enjoy the act of creative pursuit whether that's dance, sculpture, writing, photography, whatever our bliss may take us. If you don't, the results and the end may not turn out as you'd planned and you would've worked without a love of the twists and turns we take getting there.These mid-night musings are brought to you by jet lag, a looming deadline, and a smattering of existential neuroses.What keeps you up at night?